In the ether.
Where my head is.
Bad Poetry Night: inspired by Roy.
Embarassing moment of the day.
Santa take note.
Angst & Graphite.
Please pass the Neosporin.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
A friend of mine recently broke the news that her picture-perfect marriage is over; her husband and the father of her three children had cheated. Not only that, but it wasn't the first time. I'm so mad for her. "Don't be," she said, but I can't help it. What the hell is the deal with this rampant dishonesty?
Look, I understand that men are walking sperm producers capable of single-handedly impregnating every female in Europe, but they're also partners in a society that has agreed upon monogamy. You make the commitment, you stick it out. If it doesn't work, that sucks and at least you tried, but you don't go philandering while still reaping the benefits of a relationship. It's just wrong, for women as well as men.
After her announcement, I started thinking about all the people I know who have been cheated on. Very few of them are male. Sure, women cheat, but my personal experience is that men do it a whole lot more. Thinking on it further, I was shocked to realize that, with the exception of one, many of my relationships were tainted with cheating too.
My first boyfriend I can't blame at all. I wasn't ready, my best friend was, and he was 14.
I had to say buh-bye to number two when he answered the phone thinking I was another girl that my friends told me he was seeing behind my back. It was a total high school drama thing, and I think I could have handled it better if she hadn't been this giant brute keen on doing me physical harm. Eew, how attractive.
Boyfriend number three was just this side of abusive. I was only too happy to hear he was seeing his ex behind my back as it gave me a way out of the relationship.
Number four was one of my all-time favorite guys ever ever ever. Still to this day, I only wish the best for him and hope he's happy. Every once in a while I google him, but he doesn't have much of a presence in cyberspace. The major problem with my dear number four was that he was a serious pothead. Maybe that's why he didn't cheat? Sadly, that's the main reason I had to break up with him.
The next serious relationship I got into resulted in a diamond ring. Long story, but we didn't tie the knot. I don't think I could have married him after discovering the online affair he was having with some bored housewife who wrote to him, "I'm exercising every day so that I look good for you when I come up to see you." Um, yeah, that's definitely not husband material there.
And the last one, well, let's not even go there. Wow.
At first I looked at all this rampant cheating and thought, "Well, gee, the only common denominator is me," but no! I hear so many of my girlfriends (and occasional guy friends) complaining about cheating partners that it can't just be me. I look at people in the news and it's like non-stop broadcasting about who is cheating on whom - Brangelina, Claire Danes, KFed, comedian Ron White, etc etc etc - where does it end? Is that a societal norm now?
What is it that people get out of cheating? Is it just sex? Is it the thrill of that first romantic love that goes away after people get to know each other? Do people just not want to bother finding out what real partnership and commitment can offer?
posted by hilary at 9:35 AM |
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